I have a secret for you.
No matter what your life looks like today, ONLY YOU have the ability to make a difference in what you are experiencing.
Seriously.
No. Matter. What.
It doesn’t matter how unhappy you are. It doesn’t matter how lonely you might be. It doesn’t matter how much grief you are sitting in. It doesn’t matter how addicted you might be to something. It doesn’t matter how defeated you might be feeling that you are not where you want to be. I know, some of you are reading this and thinking to yourself “Well, except for me because…”
There is only one thing that can stop you and that is whether you want to believe it and act on it.
How do I know this?
I know this because waking up in the ICU, paralyzed from the shoulders down with a tube pushing air into your lungs through a hole in your neck, tends to not only physically defeat you but to emotionally and spiritually defeat you also.
Yes, that was me. Waking up to learn that I would never walk or use my hands again left me feeling physically broken, emotionally defeated, and spiritually dead. For years, I struggled with self-defeating thoughts and questions.
I will never be able to live on my own.
I will never graduate from high school because I cannot even write or from the page.
I will never have a family of my own because who would be attracted to someone stuck in a wheelchair who cannot do anything for herself?
I will never be strong enough to be stuck in this life.
This is as good as it gets. Why should I go to any of these unknowing physical therapy appointments when I am never improving physically?
I will always be a burden to my family and friends.
Why would God let this happen to me?
So, what did I do? I laid in bed for 2 years, repeating those thoughts to myself and drowning in self-pity, hopelessness, depression and anxiety. My only hope was that I would contract pneumonia and it would be too much for my already fragile respiratory system. Instead though, I made it through hospital stay after hospital stay battling the episodes of pneumonia when they came.
Here’s the secret though.
As soon as I started working on my mindset, everything started to change.
If you are telling yourself that things will never get better, that you are not strong enough, that you have too many skeletons in the closet, that you will always be a burden, that there is no hope, or whatever it is you are telling yourself, then I guarantee you that you are going to behave and all of those ways.
YOU are the only one who can make a difference in your own life.
Maybe you have been the victim of someone else’s actions that have left you feeling broken. Or, maybe you have slowly but surely created havoc in your own life. Regardless, YOU are still the only one who can create something beautiful from that brokenness and havoc.
The first step you have to take is that you have to start telling yourself that what you want is possible. You have to tell yourself that you will feel better again. You have to tell yourself that you will make it through whatever you are going through. You have to tell yourself that you will heal. You have to tell yourself that you can achieve all of the goals you have for your life. I don’t know what it is that you need to tell yourself is possible, but you need to START find yourself that it is.
Here’s the hard part.
After you start telling yourself of what you want is possible, you have to start to take action. Sitting on focusing on positive thoughts is not going to get you there by itself.
It wasn’t until I started to consistently ACT on the glimpses of hopeful thoughts that my life began to improve. What does that mean? It means that when I thought that “Maybe I CAN graduate from high school,” I actually began to take the steps to work toward that. I decided to look past the embarrassment of being wheelchair and going back to my school for half days. I was insecure and embarrassed to be in a wheelchair, and I had to push past that and show up at the school.
I was 40 pounds overweight at one point because of emotional eating. For a year, I accepted that I would be overweight for the rest of my life. How could I lose weight anyhow? I couldn’t even move my body. It wasn’t until I started to tell myself that I could get back down to my original weight even while being in a wheelchair, that I started to stop myself from drinking soda and juices. Once I began to believe it was possible, I started making changes like cutting out soda, desserts and watching my portions.
I didn’t think I would ever be able to get a job without being able to use 90% of my body. How could I possibly benefit any organization or company when I couldn’t even use my own hands to type? It wasn’t until I started to believe that I could develop a skill set and have a successful career that I started to figure out what I needed to do to be successful in the University. It meant saying no to a lot of fun Friday and Saturday nights so that I could study, getting up in the morning when I did not feel like it, and live off no-name brands and Ramen so that I could afford to live on my own and pursue a degree.
I thought I would be depressed and anxious forever. It wasn’t until I began to act on my tiny bit of hope that I could be happy again, that I had the courage to contact a counselor to work through the deep dark issues I had been sitting with for years.
Do you see how that works?
You have to first tell yourself that what you want is possible. Then, the hard work begins.
You must begin to act.
You must get uncomfortable.
You have to pick up the phone and call the counselor. You have to get up in the morning to make it to the appointment. You have to do the things that make your voice and hands shake because they make you so nervous. You have to drag yourself out of bed to go to the boring classes. You have to put the bowl of the pills down and start to learn new coping mechanisms from someone who can help you learn them. You have to say no to a lot of fun weekends, so you can write the 12 page paper you think is impossible. You have to give up eating out, find expensive purses, and making male appointments so that you can afford that $200 textbook. You must live in a crappy little apartment so that you can afford to work toward the goals you have for yourself.
I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t matter what your substances are.
If I can wake up in the ICU 28 years ago unable to move 90% of my body, and am now living a life far more beautiful than anything I could’ve ever imagined, then you absolutely have the ability to chase whatever wild goals and dreams you have for yourself.
What excuses are you making?
What do you need to tell yourself is possible?
What are the things you are going to have to sacrifice to get to your goals?
Are you willing to get uncomfortable, be patient, and work hard?
I hope so.
It is so worth it.
The only difference between you and I is that you can physically move your body, and I cannot. We both have the most powerful tool you need…control over our thoughts and actions.
So, what is 2021 going to look like for you?
I would love to hear what is possible for you.
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