Being strong usually doesn’t feel good.

People often tell me that I’m strong. Maybe I am, but…here’s my perspective on being strong. Being strong doesn’t always feel strong. Being strong doesn’t always feel good. Usually being strong means feeling really hurt or angry, but allowing yourself to process it. Sometimes, it means breaking down in tears ugly crying…and being okay with that. Sometimes it means having to convince yourself that not being able to wash your hair when you want to isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes, it means feeling so emotionally down that you feel drained, but realizing that if you stay that way for more than a few days, you should probably reach out for more support.

Social media can make everyone’s life look like a dream life.

Let me tell you something. There isn’t anyone who has a perfect life. Nobody. Everyone has times in their life when the crap hits the fan.

Everyone.

You.

Me.

Your neighbor.

Your best friend.

The person you resent out of jealousy because they look like they have a perfect life.

Celebrities with all the money in the world.

Everyone.

Today, I found myself without a caregiver for eight hours with almost no notice. It wasn’t her fault. She had a really valid reason. Crap hit the fan for her also. I’m not upset with her. But I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that it left me feeling anxious, hating being in a wheelchair, angry that I couldn’t do all the things that I wanted to do in those eight hours, and that I even shed a few tears about having to go through this life with a disability.

I feel better now. I cried, got the tears out, vented to a few people, reached out for support where I needed to, and made myself reframe things.  

I can look like I have a perfectly beautiful life. But it’s not perfect. Zac and I argue. My daughter and I argue. I get anxious over things I can’t control at times. I have a self-critical voice in my head at times. I doubt myself at times. And today…well today I got knocked down emotionally and had to get back up because staying knocked down isn’t an option.

Reframing is definitely my favorite coping mechanism. However, it took me years to become so good at it that it MOSTLY happens naturally for me now, but today I had to be intentional about it.

So, if my life ever looks like a highlight reel of being so strong that I am ALWAYS happy in a wheelchair, just know that “always consistently easy and happy” are definitely not my reality. I am happy with my life overall, but let’s be real. Being paralyzed is stressful, sometimes overwhelming. The crap does hit the fan quite often, but it’s gotten easier to deal with it because I have been intentional about learning to cope in healthy ways.

There will be good days, bad days, incredible days, and terribly heartbreaking days. Realizing that and remembering that is KEY. What matters most is that we keep going no matter what. The quicker we learn to allow ourselves to process the emotions, be gentle with ourselves and reframe the situations we are in, the easier it is. Life doesn’t get to a point where it’s ALWAYS easy and full of joy, but it can get easier to go through the down times if you allow yourself to feel the feelings, experience the experience, take the steps you need to in order to get through it in a healthy way, and always have hope that better days are to come.

Had a rough day also? Be strong and allow yourself to process that crap.