Thankful for Intergenerational Healing Moments

A picture says a thousand words.

Watching my girl land the boat a couple of weeks ago was such an overwhelmingly beautiful experience for me. 

The simple act of her dad showing her how to do this was healing to me in so many ways.  Such a simple interaction between father and daughter healed the little girl in me who longed for those things growing up.  It also reminded me of the power of intergenerational healing. 

I didn’t grow up with my dad in the picture much.  He was ten years younger than my mom and not ready to settle down with a family.  As an adult, I found it difficult to accept him for who he was and we rarely saw eye to eye.  I had a lot of pride swallow before I would stop expecting him to be the person I thought he should be, and could learn to appreciate him for the wonderful person he was.  I’m thankful I was eventually able to let go of my expectations and that we became incredible friends during the last 10 years of his life.

Growing up without a dad though, there were a lot of things that I longed for as a kid.  I remember seeing other kids going out hunting and fishing with their dads.  I remember seeing other kids going off to sandbars to swim on hot sunny days.  I remember wishing that I had the ability to just ask my dad on a hot day if we could take off to a sandbar to roast hot dogs and spend the day fishing.  I remember seeing other kids take off to camp or to visit other communities with their dads and longing for that experience.

My mom also didn’t grow up with her dad throughout most of her childhood.  She asked the priest in her community to send her to a boarding school at the age of 9 so that she could get away from a home filled with substance abuse and domestic violence.  

Fortunately, she and my late grandfather were both able to heal and develop a beautiful relationship.  He put in the hard work to overcome addiction and became an incredible husband to his second wife, my beautiful late grandmother Angela.  

Because of his choices, I only ever knew him as a leader, an amazing husband to grandma Angela, a strong father and an incredible grandfather. 

My girl and her dad are like fish in water.  They interact, day in and day out, in this beautiful father-daughter relationship, not knowing anything else.  It’s an incredible thing to see from someone who didn’t grow up with that.  It perfectly portrays the intergenerational healing that has happened over four generations.

Maybe one of these scenarios resonates with your heart.

Maybe your childhood was like mine, with a dad sporadically in and out of your life or whom you don’t get along with.  Have hope, there may be an opportunity for the two of you to have a great friendship and relationship.  It might take years or decades like it did for my dad and I, but it’s possible.

Maybe you are a dad who hasn’t been present in your child’s life for whatever reason that might be.  Have hope, you can build that relationship.  You might have to swallow your pride, dig deep, heal yourself first or do whatever it takes to be the dad your child needs you to be, but it’s possible.

Maybe you are a mom like my mom was, raising a child whose dad is not present for various reasons.  Have hope, you can still raise them to be healthy, strong, resilient, empowered adults.

Maybe you are an adult who cannot develop a relationship with your dad because the circumstances of hurt are too deep for healing to occur.  Have hope, there are millions of people who don’t have relationships with their dads and they have been able to heal, come to terms with that, and are now healthy, happy, empowered adults.

Maybe you are a dad who doesn’t have the opportunity to heal or build a relationship with your child, for reasons outside of your control.  Have hope, you can also heal your heart and come to terms with that loss.  

Maybe you are missing your dad this Father’s Day because he has passed on.  I’m sorry for your loss.  Allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to remember him, but do it in healthy ways.  Covering up the grief with substances or other unhealthy behaviors only prolongs the grief and can lead to bigger problems.

Maybe you are dad who woke up to hugs and words of “Happy Father’s Day” this morning.  Good job.  We see you.  You are making a difference.  You are valued.

Whatever the circumstances are for you this Father’s Day, take a moment to reflect on your situation and know that there’s so much hope and good that can come from any situation.

Maybe you take today and celebrate what it is with your family.  Or, maybe you take today and start to understand how you can heal yourself in whatever way fits your journey best. Have hope…healing, happiness and a beautiful life are always possible.